1. When The Sun Goes Down - The Arctic Monkeys: A scummy guy, a prostitute, and the chorus "What they say changes when the sun goes down!". Welcome to drinking in Hollywood.

2. Cold Beverage - G. Love & Special Sauce: Quite simply, "I like cold beverages". The song is chipper and hopeful just like most nights start off.

3. I'm A Man - Black Strobe: A kick ass bassline, a brooding low voice proclaiming, "We can have a lot of fun. I'm a Man!" Oh yeah, the buzz is kicking in. The song also goes on longer than it should, kind of like most of the stories I tell.

4. P.Y.T. (Pretty Young Thing): Now that the confidence is high and the speech is slurring it's time to talk to some women. Hit the dance floor, talk to the ladies, but usually get treated like an accused child molester with no nose.

5. Do Ya Think I'm Sexy? - Rod Stewart: By this point, things are getting cheesier and cheesier and I become more and more forward. I probably won't be landing Rachel Hunter though.

6. Living Room - Tegan and Sarah: This song is about a girl who spies on her neighbor whom she has a crush on. She wants to know who broke her neighbor's heart so she can avenge the pain (or go over and help ease it). It's an interesting song for a girl but when you think of an older dude singing it... Yeah, the creepshow has officially begun.

7. Untouchable Face - Ani Difranco: "So fuck you... and your untouchable face." Ani perfectly encompasses the pain, anger, embarrassment, remorse, desire, and laughable hope that usually floods over the Creepy Uncle at this point of the evening as he watches the girl of his dream chat up some other dude.

8. Fat Bottomed Girls - Queen: Vision. Blurry. Pride. Gone. Standards. What? It's time to throw yourself at big women like you were a queen. But don't try to grab their boobs like a gay guy, the ladies don't like that. Which is kind of fucked up, when you think about it. Who the hell are they to tease? It's at this point of the night when you use the all-time greatest creepy uncle pickup line: "Not a lot of people would say this, and most people wouldn't agree, but I think you're beautiful."

9. Lounge Fly - Stone Temple Pilots: If you are this deep into the evening and can't creep out Andy Dick, you need to do some shots. You're suspect. You also are becoming more and more focused on the end of evening activities (or lack thereof). Or as Scott Weiland puts it, "I want to fuck, I want to fuck, but do you need me?"

10. Jigsaw Falling into Place - Radiohead: Everything that seems to be going well actually isn't. You think you're spitting game but you're actually just spitting in the girl's face as you ramble on about becoming "a blunt instrument or maybe a sawed-off shotgun." On far too many nights, this is a solid description of what's going on in the creepy cabeza.

The walls are bending shape
You got a cheshire cat grin
All blurring into one
This place is on a mission

Before the night owl
Before the animal noises
Closed circuit cameras
Before you comatose

And, of course, there's the line: "Before you run away from me" which is usually what the ladies do.

11. Mean to Me - Tonic: Seriously, what's up with these bitches? No Creepy Honky love?

12. 'Cause Cheap is How I Feel - Cowboy Junkies: Depression sets it. You throw yourself at whatever's available. And I really don't think any verse encapsulate the end of a drunken night better than this: