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Remake Eligible

So my friend Will convinced me that there is basically an unwritten rule that films need to be out 20 years for them to be eligible to be remade. It makes sense. I couldn't find an American film from the 90's that's been remade (although I have to think there's at least one). Movies from the 1990 won't be able to be remade until next year.

But that got me thinking, what films from 1989 have just become for Hall of Remake eligible? Which ones could get the remake treatment? Here's the Top 15. (And I will not even SUGGEST that they should even THINK about remaking Field of Dreams.)

1. War of the Roses: Is the current economic climate really right for a film about rich people fighting over their possessions in a bitter divorce? Perhaps it could add a "Hey, even wealthy people are miserable." or "Be Careful What You Wish For?" angle to make it more palatable. An interesting cast could be Denzel Washington (who is looking to do a comedy) and Vivica A. Fox. Josh Brolin and Cate Blanchett? Hollywood would probably go for Ben Affleck and Nicole Kidman and the movie would flop.

2. The Wizard: With video games growing in popularity, I have no idea how this film hasn't been remade or ripped off yet. A studio would probably sell-out, go for the brand trade-out and call it The Wii-zard but whatever, something looking like this film has got to be in the pipeline in some studio.

3. Parenthood: Parenthood is an example of a good movie that SHOULD be ripped off. Many of the issues of raising kids are timeless but the specific issues change. Watching parents deal with raising kids in the era of the internet and cellphone should open up a remake or rip-off of this film to a ton of new opportunities. If Kevin James wanted to raise the level of sophistication of his comedies, this could be a good choice. Hollywood's first choice would probably be Ben Stiller.

4. When Harry Met Sally: They seem to be touching on the Can Men and Women Just Be Friends? angle in "He's Just Not That Into You." And like Parenthood, this storyline could be opened up a bit because of the new era of dating and friendship. Part of me would like to see Chiwetel Ejiofor and Taraji P. Henson get a shot at this but maybe this is a chance to reunite "Accepted" co-stars Blake Lively and Justin Long. Or maybe bring Jason Bateman and Charlize Theron together again. The moguls would likely see this as a chance to reteam Cameron Diaz and Ashton Kutcher or something like Drew Barrymore and Seth Rogen.

5. Turner and Hooch: Dogs are big now. The cast for this could be anyone from Gerard Butler to Martin Lawrence to Jason Segal to Tilda Swinton. I'm thinking Hollywood goes with either Shia LeBeof or this is the film where they finally give Common his chance to be a leading man.

6. The Abyss: I can't really remember this film well enough to make suggestions but it sure seems like something they'd hand Roland Emmerich or Brett Ratner. Ditto for Leviaton.

7. Black Rain: The original film was set in Japan but it would make sense to move it to the ever strengthening China. Josh Brolin as the American cop in over his head. The Mark Strong, the Y2K Andy Garcia, could take Garcia's role and get his head chopped off.

8. K-9: Did I mention dogs were hot right now? If Kevin James doesn't want to get more sophisticated, this would be his film. Honestly, I could see most of the Happy Madison crew from Sandler to Schnieder taking this one. And while they deserve better, this might be the kind of film that Craig Robinson or JB Smoove would have to take to get a shot at being a leading man.

9. Her Alibi: Even with modern CGI you can't match Tom Selleck's moustache but perhaps James Marsden or Greg Kinnear could fill his shoes while Olga Kurylenko takes over Paulina Porizkova's role.

10. The January Man: My guess is Ryan Reynolds would get this role but part of me wouldn't mind Mark Wahlberg slipping back into comedy and getting back to where he was in films like "I Heart Huckabees" and "The Big Hit".

11. Dream A Little Dream: Not up on my tween stars so I can't say who would replace the Corey's but maybe we change the genders and go with Miley Cyrus and Vanessa Hudgens?

12. UHF: My guess is Friedberg and Seltzer would get a hold of this and make it terrible but it's the kind of film that a lot of the sketch comedy guys like Patton Oswalt, Seth Green, and friends might be able to make work.

13. Kickboxer: starring Jason Statham. Seems obvious.

14. Three Fugitives: Well Abigail Breslin plays the girl and maybe she reteams with her Little Miss Sunshine pops, Greg Kinnear, who could slip into the Martin Short role? How do you cast someone to replace Nolte? I'd have to go with Val Kilmer.

15. Casualties of War: Move this war crimes movie into the Iraq conflict and you have a sure-fire bomb no matter who is cast. Well, besides Will Smith. Still, that hasn't stopped Hollywood from trying to make Iraq War movies.

 


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